God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Acceptance begins with gratitude. A good practice is to name at bedtime 3 things for which I am thankful during this day. Don’t have to be major events. The act of naming gives me a positive mindset as I fall asleep, putting me in a place conducive to acceptance as I awaken the next day.

Acceptance enables me to relinquish the illusion of control. That illusion is often- if I could understand it I could control it. Or, if I had done this instead of that the outcome would have been different. Trying to control leaves us with resentment, anger and despair.

Having that conversation with the Empty Chair provides one a window through which one  can see enough to have a glimpse of empathy for that significant missing person We can begin  to accept the actions of that person. A courageous act. The opposite of control.

Some experiences are too fearful or painful to let them surface to the conscious mind. So we keep them hidden in the basement and create a doorkeeper to prevent their exposure. This doorkeeper could be an angry outburst, an addiction or denial- to name a few. Some therapies try to expose the pain or fear. Other therapy uses medication. Regulating the meds until the right combination is found may be problematic as  I recently experienced with two close family members. These meds can become a doorkeeper also.

Having a conversation with the Empty Chair allows the door to the basement to open and expose the trauma to some light ,a significant step away from addiction and denial into recovery. Talk therapy and eventually less medication are necessary complements to the psychodrama experience. The psychodrama session offered in a safe space enables one to make significant progress in facing the fear and pain.

Looking back with regret and a sense of loss often evokes grief and shame. A conversation with myself at an earlier age enables me to see more clearly where I was at that stage of my life. The grief over that loss is both normal and painful. To acknowledge this sadness and sit with it for intermittent periods of time is necessary if healing is to take place.

Shame while not uncommon is unnecessary. Regret is a better option. Yes, I regret that I was too self-absorbed to enjoy my  family. Yes, I regret that my explosive anger alienated others from me .As I look back on that now,  I can see how I could have acted differently. It is the more mature perspective of my current life that enables me to see that clearly .At an earlier stage of my life I was incapable of acting any other way. I did the best I could considering my maturity level at that age. There is NO SHAME in that. Regret, yes. A deep sense of loss, yes. But shame is heavy baggage. Having that conversation with my self at an earlier age gives me the opportunity to put that bag down and leave it.

When anger is directed towards you and it is intense, look through the anger to the hurt or the fear that is underneath. Compassion may surface instead of lashing out. You may not in the heat of the moment identify the hurt or fear yet being aware that the anger is a often a smokescreen for that hurt or fear may evoke compassion. Anger gives a person a false sense of power. Admitting the hurt or the fear makes us vulnerable. Recognizing this enables us to stay and listen or just walk away. At a later time a simple question may be appropriate. Did I hurt you or stir up fear in you the other day? A healing dialogue may follow or an angry retort. Whichever response, the person knows that you listened.

In the Empty Chair psychodrama session the protagonist( the person speaking to the empty chair)) may vent anger towards the significant other person( not present) sitting in the empty chair. That venting may continue for sometime. Now the protagonist is ready to deal with the hurt or fear which may have caused an abrupt end to a significant relationship. How was I hurt or what caused that deep fear in me? Or I may learn in this session how the other person may have been deeply hurt by me and cut off the relationship.

It is in opening up ourselves to compassion for another person or oneself that we gain insights.   This process may enable healing on both sides.

Often an addiction has its roots in a childhood disconnect from ourselves. Too much of something-constant chaos ,hostile argument between parents, active abuse or passive neglect. The list goes on and on and on. To cope and survive we disconnect from our feelings that in childhood were too painful and overwhelming ,making emotional connection with others then and now nearly impossible. So in addiction we can numb this basic need to connect while releasing good-feeling chemicals in the brain, temporarily short -circuiting this core need.

The Empty Chair provides an opportunity for our disconnected self to connect with a significant person in our life .An abrupt or angry departure, a divorce, death ,distance-there are many reasons why can no longer have this essential conversation .Psychodrama provides a safe and comfortable space for this conversation. We can  deal with those traumas from the past which continue to disturb us in the present. This empty chair session enables us to to reconnect with ourselves as we bridge the gap with some significant other person with whom we have been estranged.

Through this connection the hold that an addiction has over us diminishes .