Looking back with regret and a sense of loss often evokes grief and shame. A conversation with myself at an earlier age enables me to see more clearly where I was at that stage of my life. The grief over that loss is both normal and painful. To acknowledge this sadness and sit with it for intermittent periods of time is necessary if healing is to take place.

Shame while not uncommon is unnecessary. Regret is a better option. Yes, I regret that I was too self-absorbed to enjoy my  family. Yes, I regret that my explosive anger alienated others from me .As I look back on that now,  I can see how I could have acted differently. It is the more mature perspective of my current life that enables me to see that clearly .At an earlier stage of my life I was incapable of acting any other way. I did the best I could considering my maturity level at that age. There is NO SHAME in that. Regret, yes. A deep sense of loss, yes. But shame is heavy baggage. Having that conversation with my self at an earlier age gives me the opportunity to put that bag down and leave it.